What to Wear to a Funeral

You probably heard by phone. The service is on Saturday, and somewhere between the calls you opened your closet and stood there longer than you meant to, because getting this wrong feels worse than getting a wedding wrong.

It’s simpler than it feels right now. Knowing what to wear to a funeral comes down to being unremarkable: a dark suit in charcoal, navy or black, a white shirt, a dark solid tie, and polished black lace-up shoes with dark socks. If you don’t own a suit, dark trousers with a navy or gray jacket and a tie are fine. Nobody at a funeral should be looking at you, and the right clothes make sure they don’t.

What to wear to a funeral, piece by piece

I build this outfit the way I build any other, starting at the shoes, but the goal is different. At a wedding you dress to celebrate someone. At a funeral you dress so that no one has to think about you for a second. Plain and dark, with everything clean.

People sometimes ask me if the suit has to be black. It doesn’t. Charcoal and navy are both perfectly correct, and a dark suit you already own beats a black one you buy in a panic. The one thing I’d keep consistent is the shoe color: black. Brown shoes with a navy suit are correct almost everywhere else, but at a funeral they read as a little casual, and matching shoes to suits is one place where I’d stick to the conservative answer.

Black shoes, polished, with laces

The shoe I’d recommend, if you’re buying one, is the Allen Edmonds Park Avenue at $425 in black. It’s a Goodyear-welted calfskin cap-toe oxford with closed lacing, so it sits slim and clean under a suit trouser, and when the leather sole wears out the maker can recraft it. It’s a quiet shoe in the best sense. It looks correct without drawing an eye, which is exactly what a funeral asks for. The same pair will cover your next black tie optional wedding, too.

Two honest caveats. It’s too formal for jeans or chinos, so this isn’t a shoe you’ll wear on weekends; buy it knowing it’s for suits and suits only. And the leather sole is slick on wet pavement for the first few weeks, which matters more here than you’d expect. Funerals often move outdoors to a graveside, over wet grass and stone steps. If the shoes are new, wear them on dry sidewalks a few times before the day, or ask a cobbler for a thin rubber half-sole, usually $30–$50 and done in a day or two.

Whatever black shoes you wear, polish them the night before. It takes fifteen minutes: brush off the dust, work in a thin layer of black cream, let it sit, then buff with a soft cloth. If you’re unsure which product does what, I’d point you to the breakdown of cream, wax and conditioner rather than guessing. Scuffed toes show up in every photograph taken on the steps afterward.

Nobody will remember what you wore, and that’s what you’re aiming for.

Short notice, and no suit

Funerals don’t come with much warning. If you don’t own a dark suit, you have three reasonable options, and none of them are wrong.

First, wear what you have. Dark gray or navy trousers with a navy blazer or a dark sport coat, a white shirt and a dark tie is respectful and nobody will think twice. If you’ve got the suit you bought for a job interview, and it’s navy or charcoal, wear that.

Second, borrow. A friend or relative your size will usually lend a suit without hesitation.

Third, buy off the rack. Most department stores sell a decent navy or charcoal suit, and many tailors will hem trousers the same day for around $20–$40. Leave the sleeves if there isn’t time. Long sleeves are much less noticeable than trousers pooling over your shoes.

The tie should be plain and dark, and not too wide. Something between 2.75 and 3.25 inches looks quiet on most men, and the width and knot should be simple: a four-in-hand, pulled snug. I once wore a burgundy tie with a small pattern to a family funeral because it had belonged to the man we were burying. I’d still make the same choice. If an item has meaning to the family, that outranks every rule here.

When the family asks for something different

More families now ask for a celebration of life rather than a traditional funeral, and some ask guests to wear a particular color, or to come casual. If the family has asked, do what they ask. They’re telling you how they want to remember the person, and the request matters more than any convention.

Casual still means considered. Pressed trousers and a collared shirt are the floor even if jeans are allowed, and the shoes should still be clean. If they’ve asked for a color (a favorite team, a favorite flower), a tie or a pocket square in that color is enough. You don’t need to dress head to toe in it.

The long day

Funerals take longer than you’d think. With a graveside committal after the service and a reception after that, you may be on your feet for four or five hours. Wear shoes you’ve already broken in, even if they’re less polished than a new pair.

Check the weather. A dark overcoat or a plain dark raincoat is fine over a suit, and a black umbrella is better than a bright one. If the graveside is on grass and it’s rained, the soles of your shoes will get muddy; keep a cloth in your coat pocket to wipe them before the reception. For other days on the calendar that need a plan, there are more occasion guides in Field Guides.

The verdict: Wear a charcoal or navy suit, a white shirt, a dark solid tie and black lace-up shoes, polished the night before. If you’re buying one pair of shoes that will serve you at funerals for years, make it the Allen Edmonds Park Avenue in black at $425, broken in before the day or fitted with a rubber half-sole for wet ground; if you don’t own a suit, dark trousers and a navy jacket are respectful and enough.